The Phantom [Menace] of the Opera

BAD BROADWAY

"At last we will reveal our play to the public, at last we will sing our revenge!"

(Inspired by the #badbroadway trend on Twitter)

Sithmas

I don't want a lot for Sithmas
There is just one the thing I need
I don't care about a Death Star
Approaching on a Sithmas Eve

I just want one for my own
More than a droid could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Sithmas is Artoo, yeah.

I don't want a lot for Sithmas
There is just one thing I need
And I don't care I felt his presence
Underneath the Sithmas tree

I don't need to hang my weapon
There upon the fireplace
Obi-Wan won't make me happy
With his point of view on Sithmas Day

I just want one for my own
More than a droid could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Sithmas is Artoo
R2, baby

Oh, I won't ask for much this Sithmas
I won't even wish to go
To Echo Base to keep on freezing
With Princess Leia and Han Solo 

I won't make a jump to lightspeed
With two droids and Obi-Wan
I won't even make it to this planet
I think it was called, Alderaan

'Cause I just want to do what’s right
Be like my father, a Jedi Knight
What more can I do?
Maybe blow up a Death Star, or two
Two? Maybe...

Oh, all the lightsabers are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of laser blasters
Go PEW PEW PEW and fills the air

And Obi-Wan is fighting
I hear Darth Vader’s very frightening
Yoda, won't you bring me the one I really need?
Won't you please bring a Jedi to me?

Oh, I don't want a lot for Sithmas
Hope is all I'm asking for
I just want to save Princess Leia
From behind the cell block door

Oh, I just want one for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Vader, all I want for Sithmas is
Artoo, maybe

All I want for Sithmas is Artoo, maybe
All I want for Sithmas is Artoo, maybe 
All I want for Sithmas is Artoo, maybe

Parody Lyrics by Jedi Order PR

Merry Sithmas and a Happy New Year to all our readers and fellow Star Wars fans!

Star Wars Fan Art

Star Wars Fan Made Posters by Dog Hollywood

Check out these awesome Star Wars Fan made posters by the very talented digital artist Dog Hollywood. 

These stunning teaser posters feature Dog Hollywood's own stylish take on the new forthcoming Disney owned Star Wars movies and they are very, very cool...

Artwork Courtesy of Dog Hollywood on deviantart

Artwork Courtesy of Dog Hollywood on deviantart

Artwork Courtesy of Dog Hollywood on deviantart

Artwork Courtesy of Dog Hollywood on deviantart

I absolutely love these images, they are superbly created in photoshop and capture the essence of Star Wars films. 

Says Dog Hollywood, "I love movie poster art and making my own versions let's me unleash my creativity as a would be poster designer! It's something I have always been interested in and do as a hobby at home. It allows me to go mad in Photoshop which is a great tool for frustrated artists!"

"My favourite movie posters include the Star Wars films and James Bond movies. You never know, one day I might get offered a job by a big movie studio...you gotta aim high and dream big!"

My favourites are the first Episode VII teaser poster and the Han Solo poster, however all of them are stunning pieces of work, I'm sure you'll agree.

If you wish to check out Dog Hollywood's other work, it is available to view on the deviantart website, click the link here.

Mandela Memorial

FAKE SIGNER AT MANDELA'S MEMORIAL REVEALED!

HE CLAIMS TO BE FLUENT IN OVER SIX MILLION FORMS OF COMMUNICATION...

JUST NOT SIGN LANGUAGE.

Disney Star Wars

IMAGE OF THE DAY:

DISNEY ACQUIRES LUCASFILM FOR $4 BILLION

PRESENTED WITHOUT COMMENT

Shuttle Flypast

Shuttle Tyderium Takes Final Flight

Imperial Shuttle Tyderium took its final flight last week and completed a spectacular flypast over the Forest Moon of Endor. 

Riding piggyback on a specially fitted Boeing 747, the stolen Imperial Shuttle flew over the Forest Moon, famously the scene of the Empire's ultimate defeat at the hands of the Rebellion.

The shuttle was used by Luke Skywalker and his rebel friends, to infiltrate the Forest Moon of Endor; and destroy the Empire's shield array protecting the second Death Star.

After it's final series of piggy back flights, the shuttle will go on permanent display at the Mos Eisley Spaceport on Tatooine. 

Thank goodness those old codes checked out after all.

Old Flames

*London 2012 Olympic Games Exclusive*

Our friends the Bothan spies scored another scoop this week. 

Ahead of last Friday's Danny Boyle's Opening Ceremony of the London 2012 Olympic Games, speculation was rife about who would be igniting the cauldron with the iconic Olympic Flame.

However, as we revealed on Twitter (a full 5 hours before the ceremony), the Empire's closely guarded secret was busted; thanks to those fearless Bothan's.

So, there you have it, Lord Vader lit the cauldron and watched those famous flames rise. Ironic really, since Luke will do the same thing to the Dark Lord himself at some point in his future. After all, it is his destiny!

Choices

SO YOU THINK MAKING A CHOICE IS EASY? 

BEFORE DECIDING YOUR FATE; JUST REMEMBER:

THERE'S ALWAYS A CATCH!

Siri

Transit

Image of the Day

A Rare Shot of a Transit Across The Sun

An amazing celestial event occurred in the solar system yesterday. This stunning image of a transit across the sun is such a rare event that it won't happen again for over a century, or 2117 to be exact.

Make the most of this image as it won't be seen again in your lifetime.

Hanging Out With Emperor Palpatine

The Empire says it will go to Galactic Court after a Tatooine gallery exhibited a painting with Emperor Palpatine's genitals hanging out of his robe. 

The Emperor painting in the Mos Eisley gallery

Dack Ralter's controversial painting is an "abuse of freedom of artistic expression" said an Empire spokesman; and said Darth Vader had asked lawyers to get the Mos Eisley Spaceport Museum of Modern Art to remove the painting, entitled "The Emperor".


Yada Nemolea, spokesperson for the Gallery, which runs the "Oppression of The Empire" exhibition, defended the painting.

Yada said the painting was as "a very satirical look at galactic politics...and of the Empire's turn to the dark side". The painting is intended to depict the Emperor as being as "just an ordinary guy with his knob out, and less of a fearsome, ahem, dictatator".

The Emperor by Dack Ralter

Gallery lawyers have been in touch with Emperor Palpatine saying the painting "will not be removed and is a form of freedom of expression within the galaxy". 


The painting has become a huge hit and people are flocking in their thousands to see "Palpatine's Weapon", as it has been affectionately dubbed.


We've pixelated the image of the painting shown here, but if you would like to view it, get down to the Mos Eisley Spaceport Museum of Modern Art and judge for yourself. 


Personally, we here at Jedi Order PR, think it's just a load of old bollocks.


Inspired by the original story of Jacob Zuma's controversial painting courtesy of The Times Live

Destiny

"I like suggestion number 5: If all else fails; try throwing your boss down the nearest reactor shaft."

Happy New Year

Happy New Year from Jedi Order PR!

Fairytale of Star Wars

We love Sithmas, or as we call it, "JediNoel". We also love Sithmas music to get us in the mood for the festivities. 

So, to celebrate the holiday season, we have taken the Earth Christmas classic "Fairytale of New York" by the Pogues & Kirsty MacColl, and given it a unique spin from a galaxy far, far away...

Happy Christmas!

Fairytale of Star Wars


It was Sithmas Eve babe
In the cell block
Obi Wan said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
A Rare Old Jedi Tune
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you


Luke is the cocky one
Came in the old Falcon
I've got a bad feeling
This fears for me and you
So Happy Sithmas
I love you, maybe
I can see a darker time
When all our fears come true


They've got massive Death Stars
We've got droids made of gold
Stormtroopers shoot at you
And Yoda's so old
Vader cut off Luke's hand
On a cold Sithmas Eve
And you told me Jabba
Was looking for me


Han is handsome
Leia's pretty
Mos Eisley is shitty
Cantina bands playing
The theme from Star Wars
Sy Snootles was singing
A lightsaber's swinging
Greedo's dead in the corner
Ben's an old Jedi Knight


The clones of the evil Empire Choir
Sing in the Hangar Bay
And there'll be New Hope again
For Sithtmas day


We're scum
Han's a punk
His old ship is junk
Lying  Ben is now dead, and the Sarlaac's well fed
Jabba's like a big maggot
3-PO's a faggot
Happy Sithmas dear Vader
lt may be your last


The clones of the Evil Empire choir
Still sing in the Hangar Bay
And the Empire's Striking Back...
This Sithmas day


I could have been the one
Vader says I am his son
He took my dreams from me
When he killed Obi-Wan
They built a Death Star babe
I'll get there on my own
Destroy it, all alone
You put the plans in Artoo.


The clones of the Evil Empire choir
Still sing in the Hangar Bay
And the Jedi will return
On Sithmas day.

"Fairytale of Star Wars" Lyrics by Jedi Order PR

BT Tower

"Pssssschzzzzzzzz Wowm Wowm!"

No, you are not seeing things, this is London's iconic BT Tower looking like a lightsaber! To celebrate the release of Star Wars on Blu-Ray, Lucasfilm decided to work with BT to turn the well known land mark in to a spectacular blue lightsaber.

"How awesome is that?!"

Rehab

Signs & Portents

June 14th 2011 was a big day in the galaxy. Not only was it this PR's Director's birthday, it also saw the birth of another whose arrival made the galaxy hold its breath. The birth in question was that of Natalie Portman's baby.

Miss Portman's baby was being heralded as a major galactic event that had the potential to change the universe. Had she had twins; the followers of the Dark Side would have been sent scurrying for their shuttles in terror. Had she had twins and named them Luke & Leia; the galaxy would have skipped a heartbeat waiting for signs of a new hope.

As it turned out she had a healthy baby boy.

Even so, the arrival of a son still sent shockwaves throughout the galaxy as everybody waited with anticipation for the baby's name to be revealed.

Until now...

Aleph Portman-Millipied

"You beleive in the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to the Force...you believe it's this boy...?"

Yes we know what you're already thinking, "she didn't pick Luke, aw shoot!" Thats OK, we thought that too. Was the galaxies last remaining hope for peace doomed forever to have a name that was a little kooky. Maybe...

Aleph is the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet and also reportedly means "the first". Nothing unusual there. However it also means "the one". 

Maybe it's a sign, or a Portman portent, but insert another two words and the galaxy holds it's breath again; for it could just be that Aleph is...

"The *CHOSEN* One"

 

Judging by our photo from the Bothan Foreign Press, the boy is already demonstrating the Force is with him. 

All together now..."Ahh, aint that cute..."

C-3PO

This week, the galaxies most famous Prototol Droid, C-3PO returned from a week long trip to Earth. 

Little is known about where the notoriously secretive droid was vacationing but DMZ, the infamous celebrity droid gossip web site, reported that C-3PO was accompanied on the trip by his 'companion' Doctor Who star, Sy Berman. 

The JOPR Press Team have obtained an exclusive photograph of the 'friends' taken on their holiday which [allegedly] reveals the destination of their trip.

Picture Courtesy of The Bothan Foreign Press Association & DMZ

Draw your own conclusions on this story. We have...

"NO COMMENT!"

Father's Day

Space Vaders

Stormtrooper Downtime...

"Hey, I Got One - Great Kid, don't get cocky!"