Cucumbers

The Rebellion unleashed its latest attack on the Empire this week. No, there were no trench run style assaults on an exhaust port or sabotaging of a reactor core. This attack was far more subtle, and deadly…

In an attempt to introduce a "5 a day" style healthier option to meals in the Death Star Cantina, the Empire has banished Bantha Burgers and Fries to the airlock in favour of salad. Yes, plain old healthy salad with no saturated fat and no added sugar or salt. Or so they thought...

Vegetable Plot: The Stolen Death Star Cantina Menu

Cannon Fodder Imperial Troops have been getting fat on a poor diet of un-healthy food lately, so what better way to improve their diet (before they die in battle at the hands of the Rebellion), than a serving of fresh salad.   

The Rebellion's ever dwindling friends, the Bothan Spies, obtained the secret plans to the Death Star Cantina Menu and the Rebellion's "Operation Waldorf Salad" began to bear fruit (and veg).

A Top Rebel Chef

Obtaining a "particularly virulent" crate of  ecoli infected cucumbers from the Northern Region of Germany, Rebel Chef's began re-creating the Empire Menu (shown above) with salads, baguettes, wraps and a host of delicious dishes.

These would then be packed in Empire crates and shipped to the Death Star. Universal Exports, would act as the shipping agents to transport the deadly food to the Death Star Cantina where other agents on board would take care of the rest.

Cross Section of a deadly cucumber

Soon reports were surfacing of Stormtroopers falling ill to a 'mystery illness'. The Empire attempted to gag the press with a so called "Super Injunction" taken out by "evil legal eagle" @DarkSideLawyer, on @LordPalpatine's request.  

However, this could not contain the leak of information, regarding the outbreak, coming from social media sites like "Forcebook" on board the Death Star. The Rebellion's plan was working, and like the outbreak, word was spreading FAST.

The dramatic image below, was posted on Jedi Order PR's "Forcebook" page. It shows a Legion of mutated "Salad Troopers" in the grip of the zombie like outbreak.  

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Cucumbers - "Salad Troopers" in the grip of the cucumber ecoli outbreak

Emperor Palpatine's Spa Day goes horribly wrong

So for now, it seems the 'salad days' of the Empire may be coming to an end and the Rebellion can avoid a costly all out attack on the Death Star. All thanks to the innocuous cucumber, a true "weapon of mass destruction" (or should that be consumption), if there ever was. 

As you can see from this exclusive image, taken on one of our Bothan Spies mobile phone, even the Emperor himself has succumbed to cucumber zombification...Operation Waldorf Salad has been a complete success.

JOPR on Twitter:

"We've replaced all the cucumbers on the Death Star with a fresh batch direct from Germany. Bon Appetite, guys.#jedicare #ecoli *

*This post was inspired by the cucumber tweet by Jedi Order PR

Rebellion PR: "The Return of the Rebel"

Today saw the return of Rebellion PR after a two week absence after the original account went offline and was frozen in carbonite.

This is not the first time this has happened. Rebel Alliance PR went the same way some weeks after a successful launch on Twitter back in August 2010. Swiftly returning with renewed vigour; Rebellion PR soon had over 2800 followers before its sudden disappearance in early November.

A source close to Rebellion PR said: "The Rebels were having a tough time, a 'crisis of faith' if you will." So what happened and why the sudden dramatic return? 

It seems this so called 'crisis of faith' comes down to a number of factors: Twitter trolls, Tweeters block and follower backlash to 'contoversial & often edgy' material, have all been cited as reasons to why Rebellion PR shut down quicker than C-3PO on a bad day. The truth is harder to come by however.

A Bothan spy told us: "Rebellion PR had enormous success with their brand of  'random' tweets, but behind the success, the Rebels were becoming increasingly bored and frustrated with the twitter experience". 

After they had disappeared, a meme called #RememberRebellionPR was started by us here at Jedi Order PR, to keep the spirit of the Rebels alive on Twitter. It seems this meme was a success because lurking in the shadows, secretly evaluating the comments, was the Rebellion's Head of PR - quietly plotting a dramatic return when the time was right*.

Like most clever PR, this whole episode could be construed as merely a sly publicity stunt. We believe, like Star Wars itself, it's a story that's ultimately about redemption. The Rebels live to self destruct, only to emerge some time later, but more powerful than you could possibly imagine...

*Rebellion PR is back on Twitter as @Rebellion_PR and this time they're back for good...well, for now.