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Fairytale of Star Wars

We love Sithmas, or as we call it, "JediNoel". We also love Sithmas music to get us in the mood for the festivities. 

So, to celebrate the holiday season, we have taken the Earth Christmas classic "Fairytale of New York" by the Pogues & Kirsty MacColl, and given it a unique spin from a galaxy far, far away...

Happy Christmas!

Fairytale of Star Wars


It was Sithmas Eve babe
In the cell block
Obi Wan said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
A Rare Old Jedi Tune
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you


Luke is the cocky one
Came in the old Falcon
I've got a bad feeling
This fears for me and you
So Happy Sithmas
I love you, maybe
I can see a darker time
When all our fears come true


They've got massive Death Stars
We've got droids made of gold
Stormtroopers shoot at you
And Yoda's so old
Vader cut off Luke's hand
On a cold Sithmas Eve
And you told me Jabba
Was looking for me


Han is handsome
Leia's pretty
Mos Eisley is shitty
Cantina bands playing
The theme from Star Wars
Sy Snootles was singing
A lightsaber's swinging
Greedo's dead in the corner
Ben's an old Jedi Knight


The clones of the evil Empire Choir
Sing in the Hangar Bay
And there'll be New Hope again
For Sithtmas day


We're scum
Han's a punk
His old ship is junk
Lying  Ben is now dead, and the Sarlaac's well fed
Jabba's like a big maggot
3-PO's a faggot
Happy Sithmas dear Vader
lt may be your last


The clones of the Evil Empire choir
Still sing in the Hangar Bay
And the Empire's Striking Back...
This Sithmas day


I could have been the one
Vader says I am his son
He took my dreams from me
When he killed Obi-Wan
They built a Death Star babe
I'll get there on my own
Destroy it, all alone
You put the plans in Artoo.


The clones of the Evil Empire choir
Still sing in the Hangar Bay
And the Jedi will return
On Sithmas day.

"Fairytale of Star Wars" Lyrics by Jedi Order PR

BT Tower

"Pssssschzzzzzzzz Wowm Wowm!"

No, you are not seeing things, this is London's iconic BT Tower looking like a lightsaber! To celebrate the release of Star Wars on Blu-Ray, Lucasfilm decided to work with BT to turn the well known land mark in to a spectacular blue lightsaber.

"How awesome is that?!"

Rehab

Signs & Portents

June 14th 2011 was a big day in the galaxy. Not only was it this PR's Director's birthday, it also saw the birth of another whose arrival made the galaxy hold its breath. The birth in question was that of Natalie Portman's baby.

Miss Portman's baby was being heralded as a major galactic event that had the potential to change the universe. Had she had twins; the followers of the Dark Side would have been sent scurrying for their shuttles in terror. Had she had twins and named them Luke & Leia; the galaxy would have skipped a heartbeat waiting for signs of a new hope.

As it turned out she had a healthy baby boy.

Even so, the arrival of a son still sent shockwaves throughout the galaxy as everybody waited with anticipation for the baby's name to be revealed.

Until now...

Aleph Portman-Millipied

"You beleive in the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to the Force...you believe it's this boy...?"

Yes we know what you're already thinking, "she didn't pick Luke, aw shoot!" Thats OK, we thought that too. Was the galaxies last remaining hope for peace doomed forever to have a name that was a little kooky. Maybe...

Aleph is the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet and also reportedly means "the first". Nothing unusual there. However it also means "the one". 

Maybe it's a sign, or a Portman portent, but insert another two words and the galaxy holds it's breath again; for it could just be that Aleph is...

"The *CHOSEN* One"

 

Judging by our photo from the Bothan Foreign Press, the boy is already demonstrating the Force is with him. 

All together now..."Ahh, aint that cute..."

C-3PO

This week, the galaxies most famous Prototol Droid, C-3PO returned from a week long trip to Earth. 

Little is known about where the notoriously secretive droid was vacationing but DMZ, the infamous celebrity droid gossip web site, reported that C-3PO was accompanied on the trip by his 'companion' Doctor Who star, Sy Berman. 

The JOPR Press Team have obtained an exclusive photograph of the 'friends' taken on their holiday which [allegedly] reveals the destination of their trip.

Picture Courtesy of The Bothan Foreign Press Association & DMZ

Draw your own conclusions on this story. We have...

"NO COMMENT!"

Father's Day

Space Vaders

Stormtrooper Downtime...

"Hey, I Got One - Great Kid, don't get cocky!"

Rooney

Today on Twitter, Manchester United's super star striker Wayne Rooney confirmed that he had visited a Harley Street Hair Clinic for a painful hair & scalp transplant procedure.

Wayne tweeted: "Just to confirm to all my followers I have had a hair transplant. I was going bald at 25 why not. I'm delighted with the result."

Maybe you should ask for a refund, Wayne...

Seperated at birth...Wayne Rooney & Gamorrean Guard

#hairwego

Cucumbers

The Rebellion unleashed its latest attack on the Empire this week. No, there were no trench run style assaults on an exhaust port or sabotaging of a reactor core. This attack was far more subtle, and deadly…

In an attempt to introduce a "5 a day" style healthier option to meals in the Death Star Cantina, the Empire has banished Bantha Burgers and Fries to the airlock in favour of salad. Yes, plain old healthy salad with no saturated fat and no added sugar or salt. Or so they thought...

Vegetable Plot: The Stolen Death Star Cantina Menu

Cannon Fodder Imperial Troops have been getting fat on a poor diet of un-healthy food lately, so what better way to improve their diet (before they die in battle at the hands of the Rebellion), than a serving of fresh salad.   

The Rebellion's ever dwindling friends, the Bothan Spies, obtained the secret plans to the Death Star Cantina Menu and the Rebellion's "Operation Waldorf Salad" began to bear fruit (and veg).

A Top Rebel Chef

Obtaining a "particularly virulent" crate of  ecoli infected cucumbers from the Northern Region of Germany, Rebel Chef's began re-creating the Empire Menu (shown above) with salads, baguettes, wraps and a host of delicious dishes.

These would then be packed in Empire crates and shipped to the Death Star. Universal Exports, would act as the shipping agents to transport the deadly food to the Death Star Cantina where other agents on board would take care of the rest.

Cross Section of a deadly cucumber

Soon reports were surfacing of Stormtroopers falling ill to a 'mystery illness'. The Empire attempted to gag the press with a so called "Super Injunction" taken out by "evil legal eagle" @DarkSideLawyer, on @LordPalpatine's request.  

However, this could not contain the leak of information, regarding the outbreak, coming from social media sites like "Forcebook" on board the Death Star. The Rebellion's plan was working, and like the outbreak, word was spreading FAST.

The dramatic image below, was posted on Jedi Order PR's "Forcebook" page. It shows a Legion of mutated "Salad Troopers" in the grip of the zombie like outbreak.  

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Cucumbers - "Salad Troopers" in the grip of the cucumber ecoli outbreak

Emperor Palpatine's Spa Day goes horribly wrong

So for now, it seems the 'salad days' of the Empire may be coming to an end and the Rebellion can avoid a costly all out attack on the Death Star. All thanks to the innocuous cucumber, a true "weapon of mass destruction" (or should that be consumption), if there ever was. 

As you can see from this exclusive image, taken on one of our Bothan Spies mobile phone, even the Emperor himself has succumbed to cucumber zombification...Operation Waldorf Salad has been a complete success.

JOPR on Twitter:

"We've replaced all the cucumbers on the Death Star with a fresh batch direct from Germany. Bon Appetite, guys.#jedicare #ecoli *

*This post was inspired by the cucumber tweet by Jedi Order PR

Rapture

"The End of the World"

21st May 2011

You always wondered why they were smiling...now you know

As today is [allegedly] the end of the world as we know it, or as its more widely known "The Rapture", you may want to know this before 'the end'...

 For those Padawan's that chose our exclusive 

*Gold Level Jedi Rapture Package*

You WILL become a Force Ghost.  

And those who didn't...

Well, YOU'RE BONED.

SORRY...

Obama Versus Osama

**Special Edition Live from the Jedi Conference in Florida**

The Jedi don't believe in revenge, or for that matter, using the Force for attack. However we do understand that it takes a special kind of person to make "the difficult decisions".

With the help of Bothan Spies on Earth, who previously uncovered 'other' secret compounds housing known Imperial terrorists in the Northern Territories of Australia; Earth's President of the United States finally located the whereabouts of the worlds most wanted terrorist Osama bin-Laden.

A crack squad of Navy SEALS, specially trained by the Jedi Order under the watchful eye of Master Yoda, were despatched by President Obama to eliminate this deadly Imperial cohort in a special operation codenamed "Jedironimo".  

Bin Laden was originally thought to be inhabiting an area of Earth not unlike the Jundland Wastes, but which turned out to be a 'not so secret' million dollar house. Good job he enabled "Add location to my Tweets" as well or he may never had been found.

And so with some decisive action and a little courage; President Obama sent in the team to eliminate Osama bin-Laden once and for all.

After a 40 minute blaster & lightsaber fight, accompanied by the music of John Williams conducting "The Duel of the Fates", the evil villian, Osama bin Laden was finally defeated.

Master Yoda was so impressed with Obama that he immediately sent him a Lightsaber as a token of his respect for the President. 

As our exclusive picture shows the President showed a natural gift with the Lightsaber and also revealed his Jedi reflexes too.  

Master Yoda was intrigued with his emerging talent and set about training Obama in the ways of the Force. Finding a willing student in the President, it has now since emerged that President Obama has been appointed as an 'Honorary Jedi Knight', for services to the protection of good in the galaxy. 

Congratulations, Mr. President

"May the Fourth Be With You"

Happy Star Wars Day  

Jedi McLovin

It's well documented that despite being the defenders of truth & justice in the old republic, Jedi's are forbidden to love anything other than a good fight with a lightsaber.

Ever since the early days of 10 year old Anakin's freaky facination with a 20 year old Padme (allegedly) through to the now infamous, bile inducing roll around a Naboo field, Jedi's really have had the rough end of the deal. Until today.

Anakin tells Padme he has wood, but she thinks its his acting

Despite the "No sex, we're Warrior Monks" ruling; it would appear that a small breakaway faction of Jedi on on the planet Earth, are tired of the label 'jedi virgin' and declared their love for each other. 

They have also been reported to be declaring this on official census forms, with Jedi now accounting for over 390,000 respondents in 2005 and er, rising.

Free loving, it would seem, is returning to the notorious nerdy virgins as this recently discovered photo evidence from the Wookiee archives suggests...

Notorious joker Chewbacca strikes again and photobombs unsuspecting nerdy Jedi virgins

We dread to think what the council would have made of this. Then again they did say that the force penetrated us and bound the universe together so maybe they saw it coming and Order 66 was a smokescreen? As Yoda was fond of saying: "Meditate on this we shall".

Jedi Movies

Our recent hashtag posting on Twitter, #JediMovies proved to be very popular with the Twitterverse and ran for nearly 3 days! 

It produced a whole variety of Jedi themed movie parodies which were extremely funny and very clever. 

Presented in movie poster form, is one of Jedi Order PR's funniest (and possibly most contentious) suggestions for the #JediMovies meme. 


Derived from the Seth Rogen comedy "Zack and Miri Make A Porno", here's our twisted version!

Now if that doesn't spark the whole Luke & Leia 'tricky' relationship thing with Han, we don't know what will...

The Ides of March

Because you never know when 'one of your own' will stab you in the back. 

We know it was you Anakin.

The Last Laugh

"The Dark Side Clouds Everything on Twitter"

"The greatest trick that Yoda ever pulled, was convincing the galaxy he didn't exist. And like that *pffft*, he was GONE". #LastLaugh
Jedi Order PR 
*So L & T FAT FISH* 

Pop Art

At the end of the 'Battle of Endor' there were a lot of Storm Trooper helmets left lying around. We made a fortune selling some on galactic eBay. 

Then we had another brilliant idea. 

Inspired by Earth's celebrated oddball Andy Warhol, we took an ordinary Storm Trooper helmet and turned it into an iconic piece of Pop Art. Awesome.

Storm Trooper Pop Art Created by Jedi Order PR

We have created these exclusive wallpapers for the iPhone: Storm Trooper & Obi-Wan Pop Art Posters*. Click on the images below to open a new window where you can save them to your desktop (or phone).

 *Images created by Jedi Order PR and are intended for fun use.

Alderaan

 

The day Alderaan decides to review its peaceful "no weapons policy"...

Awful Supergroups

Today on Twitter saw the latest top trend include the hashtag: #awfulsupergroups

Here is Jedi Order PR's post presented in visual form & without comment.

Bad Shots

Today's Top Tweet:

"Found a Stormtrooper claiming to have ACTUALLY HIT SOMETHING! 

We told him 'his head on the top of a door' doesn't count." Jedi Order PR

Spot The Difference

Leaking out from an un-named source today, it has emerged that Darth Vader not only had the ear of the Emperor, but it seems he may have had that of the 'King' as well. 

 

Evidence has emerged documenting the moment that the Dark Lord met Elvis Presley, a famed 'Rock & Roll' star from Earth. Despite the fact that Lord Vader is notoriously tone deaf, it's been revealed he was a huge fan of the Earthling King's recordings. 

Over the last few years there had been speculation that Vader had been known to 'download' 'rock & roll' songs to is chest plate iPod and let's face it; when you've heard the Imperial March once, you've heard it a thousand times.

 
 
However we can reveal today that this photograph may have been faked and the whole thing is the product of some sneaky PR. We have obtained other so called 'Meet The King' photographs, and things look very dodgy indeed. Judge for yourself and see if you can spot the real* from the fake**...

*The original photograph is the one taken with the then President Richard 'Tricky Dickie' Nixon. 
**Jar Jar Binks never met the President but was implicated in the Watergate affair & remains a hated figure in America to this day.

Star Wars Hotel California (Hostile Death Star Station)

Jedi Order PR Proudly Presents

"Hotel California (Hostile Death Star Station)"

The song is our very first parody and is inspired by The Eagles classic "Hotel California" but given the Star Wars treatment. It has a completely original comedy lyric and clips from Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope & Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, propelling the lyric as a music video. The song was written, and sung by, yours truly!

If you like this then it may interest you to know that another parody is in production. Keep your eyes peeled on Twitter and we'll let you know when its available to view on our You Tube page and here on the blog.

Star Wars Hotel California (Hostile Death Star Station)

On a dark galactic highway, there's no wind in your hair
Warm smell of a Wookiee, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light

My head grew heavy and the Force grew dim
I had to land from the fright
Leia stood in the hatchway;
I heard a warning bell
And I was thinking to myself,
’this aint heaven so I'll see you in hell’
Then she let go of the handle and she showed me the bay
Storm Troopers down the corridor,

I heard their com links say…

Welcome to this hostile Death Star Station
Such a nasty place (such a nasty place)
Such an evil face
Plenty of doom in this hostile battle station
Any time of year (any time of year), you'll find Vader here

His mind is bitterly-twisted, he's got an Emperor he tends
He's got a lot of Bounty Hunter guys, that he calls friends
How they march in the hangars, their destinies set.
The Old Republic they remember, but they choose to forget

So Vader calls up the captain,
’This rebel scum's mine’
He said, ’I will break your spirit here in cell number sixty nine’
And still dead Jedi's are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the fight
Just to hear them say...
 

We'll come to this hostile Death Star Station
And blow this place (and blow this place)
Right back in to space
Blowing stuff up was this hostile Death Star Station
Not a nice surprise (not a nice surprise), when your planet dies...

Luke has got a feeling,
Hoth is full of ice
And Leia said ’we are all just prisoners here, of this plot device’
And in the Wampa's chambers,
They gathered for a feast
Luke jabs it with his laser sword,
And then an arm drops off the beast

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place my ship was before
’Relax,’ said Jedi Knight man,
My works done here, we can leave.
You can take off any time you like,
In the Force you must believe!

Lyrics by Jedi Order PR. Performed by The PR Director

Video edited byJedi Order PR & Plot 88 Productions

Based on Hotel California by The Eagles

The Man With The Midas Touch: John Barry 1933-2011

The output of this blog is usually comedic in nature but today we're taking a sombre tone in order to mark the passing of a true movie legend, and one of our music heroes. 

As a fan of cinema and film music it's only fitting we pay tribute to someone whose contribution to movies influenced and shaped the way in which movies are enjoyed to this day.

Fellow John Barry fan, movie buff and James Bond expert, Twitter's @DogHollywood contacted us to see if we would publish a tribute to John Barry, the movie genius who died today aged 77. Being fans of Star Wars, James Bond & movies in general, we of course, dutifully obliged...



DogHollywood writes: There are moments in your life that can contribute to who you are or who you may become. I can recall two of these moments because of the profound nature of the experience I had when I encountered each of them. One was during a James Bond film; the other was Star Wars. Both of these moments involved two greats of movie legend: John Barry & John Williams.

 

In August 1973 I went to see Roger Moore play James Bond in "Live & Let Die". I was nearly 8 years old and this was my first ever trip to a cinema to see a movie. I did not know at the time, but it was a double feature that day, and the movie that came on before the one I wanted to see, was "Goldfinger". 

The effect was nothing short of astonishing; a small dot appeared on screen followed by a man walking who shoots a gun to camera. It carried with it an iconic arrangement that would stay with me forever: John Barry's James Bond Theme Opening Gunbarrel. The rest is movie legend which kick started a love of James Bond, Bond music, motion pictures and film scores in general.

John Barry was the man behind that moment, from then on my life would never be the same again. Long after I was enthralled by Sean Connery (& subsequently Roger Moore) as Bond, John Barry's iconic music stayed with me. In later years, John Williams score would have the same effect when a 12 year old me saw a little film called "Star Wars".

The movies aside, one of the fundamental elements of any film is its music. John Barry understood this and could look at a film and instantly know what music would capture the mood on screen. The music involves you in the story, can make the hairs onthe back of your neck stand up, or even move you to tears. 

John Barry's contribution to movie music is an awesome body of work that included 12 James Bond films, The Ipcress File, Midnight Cowboy, Born Free, The Persuaders TV Theme, The Lion In Winter, King Kong, Chaplin, Out of Africa & Dances with Wolves to name but a few of nearly 100 films. (Not to mention George Lucas' turkey (pun intended) 'Howard The Duck').

Try thinking of all the major Hollywood blockbusters and chances are its been scored by John Barry or John Williams! Music is the movies as much as the star, or the merchandising.

Hum the opening bars of the James Bond Theme or The Imperial March & everybody knows instantly what it is and where it's from. How many things have that resonance and power, how many people truly achieve such genius.

I will miss John Barry, however he will live on in my iPod whenever one of his melodies comes on, or on a rainy bank holiday when James Bond is saving the world and getting the girl.

Thank you for the music, the memories and for bringing something in to my life that I will never ever tire of listening to: The Music of John Barry.

Dog Hollywood*, January 2010.

*Dog Hollywood is a movie/music/pop culture fan and expert in everything James Bond. You can follow him on Twitter @DogHollywood. 

Star Wars Candy Hearts

Star Wars Candy Hearts Inspired by a Twitter Meme Created by @WampaPR

"Bury your feelings...or they could be made to serve the Emperor"

Ben 'Obi-Wan' Kenobi

Orientation

"Move along...there's nothing to see here!"

The Empire's Secret Base On Earth: Revealed

There's has always been a deep suspicion within the Jedi ranks that the Empire had a garrison stationed on the distant Terran planet called Earth. We can exclusively reveal that this myth; is indeed fact.

Bothan Spies go un-noticed while undercover

Bothan spies, on a secret reconnaisance mission on Earth, recently uncovered evidence that the Empire has established a garrison in a place known as the 'Northern Territory' in Australia. 

This 'Tatooine' like location is the perfect place for the Empire to place an outpost in its attempt to enslave the Earth. It is remote, rugged and perfectly suited to Sand Troopers and their Dewbacks.

Our exclusive images, secretly captured by the Bothan spies do seem to substansiate this claim.  

Sand Troopers posing as 'Tourists' secretly photographed by Bothan Spies

  
Suspicion's that the Empire had a base of operations originally centred on the Australian city of Sydney. However, recent intelligence suggests that this is merely the location of an office claiming to be a 'radical PR firm' with links to the Empire.

As the Bothan's began to delve deeper in to this shocking story, the more evidence they uncovered. 

Using a primitive Earthican technology known only as 'Google', the Bothans were able to identify the location of the Empire outpost. It's revealed here for the very first time.  

Many Bothan's died to bring us this information.

This information, however, has come to us at a very heavy price. Despite their uncanny ability to 'seemlessly' blend in to any environment and going un-noticed, many Bothan spies have mysteriously disappeared. 

Speculation is rife that they have been captured or killed. Some say they may have become so ingrained in the culture they may have become 'naturalised' and are passing themselves off as 'surfer dudes'.

Either way, the Bothan's managed to find the one piece of hard evidence that the Empire does have a garrison in the Northern Territories. This so called 'Jedi Holy Grail' of evidence is hard to deny.

Tourism NT's Official logo and it's uncanny resemblance to the Death Star

It seems that the willing partners of this Imperial base have incorporated an iconic Empire image into their PR material. The image seen right is the official logo of 'Northern Territory Australia: Tourism NT'. Look closely at that so called 'setting sun'. Look familiar?

We are convinced beyond doubt, that the Empire has formed an alliance of evil, and a sinister plot to take over the Earth is already underway.

A Campaign Message From Master Yoda

"So, began the Shorty Awards have...

I sense much fear in you. but afraid to vote for Jedi Order PR, you must not be. 

A vote flows from the Force, and a powerful vote it will be, for the Force is our ally. It surrounds us, penetrates us and binds the Shorty Awards together. 

When voted for Jedi Order PR have you, the last of your voting will this be. Then, only then, will the Force be with you.

Click the image below and for JEDI ORDER PR, in #STARWARS, you must VOTE..."

Master Yoda

The 3rd Annual Shorty Awards

If you want to save the galaxy from the evil Empire then do the decent and vote for us by clicking the image below:

The Shorty Awards honor the best people and organizations on Twitter and social media. Nominations may be made through Twitter and the Shorty Awards website.

The community is invited to nominate Twitter users for excellence over the past year. Each award recognizes each content creator's entire body of work, not just an individual tweet. Nominations are made by sending a tweet, whether it's through this site or on Twitter.

Vote for Jedi Order PR in the '#Star Wars' Category today!