Destiny

"I like suggestion number 5: If all else fails; try throwing your boss down the nearest reactor shaft."

Happy New Year

Happy New Year from Jedi Order PR!

Fairytale of Star Wars

We love Sithmas, or as we call it, "JediNoel". We also love Sithmas music to get us in the mood for the festivities. 

So, to celebrate the holiday season, we have taken the Earth Christmas classic "Fairytale of New York" by the Pogues & Kirsty MacColl, and given it a unique spin from a galaxy far, far away...

Happy Christmas!

Fairytale of Star Wars


It was Sithmas Eve babe
In the cell block
Obi Wan said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
A Rare Old Jedi Tune
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you


Luke is the cocky one
Came in the old Falcon
I've got a bad feeling
This fears for me and you
So Happy Sithmas
I love you, maybe
I can see a darker time
When all our fears come true


They've got massive Death Stars
We've got droids made of gold
Stormtroopers shoot at you
And Yoda's so old
Vader cut off Luke's hand
On a cold Sithmas Eve
And you told me Jabba
Was looking for me


Han is handsome
Leia's pretty
Mos Eisley is shitty
Cantina bands playing
The theme from Star Wars
Sy Snootles was singing
A lightsaber's swinging
Greedo's dead in the corner
Ben's an old Jedi Knight


The clones of the evil Empire Choir
Sing in the Hangar Bay
And there'll be New Hope again
For Sithtmas day


We're scum
Han's a punk
His old ship is junk
Lying  Ben is now dead, and the Sarlaac's well fed
Jabba's like a big maggot
3-PO's a faggot
Happy Sithmas dear Vader
lt may be your last


The clones of the Evil Empire choir
Still sing in the Hangar Bay
And the Empire's Striking Back...
This Sithmas day


I could have been the one
Vader says I am his son
He took my dreams from me
When he killed Obi-Wan
They built a Death Star babe
I'll get there on my own
Destroy it, all alone
You put the plans in Artoo.


The clones of the Evil Empire choir
Still sing in the Hangar Bay
And the Jedi will return
On Sithmas day.

"Fairytale of Star Wars" Lyrics by Jedi Order PR

BT Tower

"Pssssschzzzzzzzz Wowm Wowm!"

No, you are not seeing things, this is London's iconic BT Tower looking like a lightsaber! To celebrate the release of Star Wars on Blu-Ray, Lucasfilm decided to work with BT to turn the well known land mark in to a spectacular blue lightsaber.

"How awesome is that?!"

Rehab

Signs & Portents

June 14th 2011 was a big day in the galaxy. Not only was it this PR's Director's birthday, it also saw the birth of another whose arrival made the galaxy hold its breath. The birth in question was that of Natalie Portman's baby.

Miss Portman's baby was being heralded as a major galactic event that had the potential to change the universe. Had she had twins; the followers of the Dark Side would have been sent scurrying for their shuttles in terror. Had she had twins and named them Luke & Leia; the galaxy would have skipped a heartbeat waiting for signs of a new hope.

As it turned out she had a healthy baby boy.

Even so, the arrival of a son still sent shockwaves throughout the galaxy as everybody waited with anticipation for the baby's name to be revealed.

Until now...

Aleph Portman-Millipied

"You beleive in the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to the Force...you believe it's this boy...?"

Yes we know what you're already thinking, "she didn't pick Luke, aw shoot!" Thats OK, we thought that too. Was the galaxies last remaining hope for peace doomed forever to have a name that was a little kooky. Maybe...

Aleph is the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet and also reportedly means "the first". Nothing unusual there. However it also means "the one". 

Maybe it's a sign, or a Portman portent, but insert another two words and the galaxy holds it's breath again; for it could just be that Aleph is...

"The *CHOSEN* One"

 

Judging by our photo from the Bothan Foreign Press, the boy is already demonstrating the Force is with him. 

All together now..."Ahh, aint that cute..."

C-3PO

This week, the galaxies most famous Prototol Droid, C-3PO returned from a week long trip to Earth. 

Little is known about where the notoriously secretive droid was vacationing but DMZ, the infamous celebrity droid gossip web site, reported that C-3PO was accompanied on the trip by his 'companion' Doctor Who star, Sy Berman. 

The JOPR Press Team have obtained an exclusive photograph of the 'friends' taken on their holiday which [allegedly] reveals the destination of their trip.

Picture Courtesy of The Bothan Foreign Press Association & DMZ

Draw your own conclusions on this story. We have...

"NO COMMENT!"